Went to a party with some friends from work tonight. What a weird scene that is.
It was just a little gathering of some people from work who all get along well and have formed friendships. But, of course, they're work friendships, which aren't really the same thing. It was at one of my co-worker's houses, and it was cool. He has a lot of pinball machines and some older arcade games and we hung out and played darts and pool and pinball and drank a few beers. It was a nice break. But even still, there's always a sort of weird barrier there, because its a party, but you're still required to wear the mask you wear at work, that puts you forward as a confident, responsible, sober yet funloving average American.
And I'm fairly certain none of us at the party were that, exactly. I've managed to make a few friendships through work that have progressed somewhat beyond that bizaare realm of social courtesy, but most continue to fit the pattern. And personally, I feel so out of place as an engineer rather than in a more creative role, that I don't want to be too much of myself even with them because I'm not sure they can relate. I don't even really know that I relate. But I think some of the challenges facing me in this respect are different from the ones facing them. Not that either one of us has it better or worse, just different.
Mostly I try to be inconspicuous. With the people I see often, I'm unable to avoid letting my inner opinionated self break out now and then. Just today I had a long conversation with my cubemate (what a cute name) about how incredibly stupid and dangerous the drug war is. Of course, the interesting part is, he agrees with me. That's one of interesting things I've noticed. The few times I have slipped and said some things I was nervous about, most people have had similar opinions to mine. There's an untapped political resource: Engineers against the War on Drugs. Or maybe I'm just obnoxious and they want to avoid upsetting me. But I suspect the workplace is far less mainstream than it appears.
It seems inevitable that I come away from these functions concluding that my cow-orkers are probably pretty cool people, and that we might actually be real friends, if either of us were brave enough to be real.
Posted by ktismael at March 26, 2004 10:12 PM