It turns out that I suck instead of Comcast, but it took me a day to figure it out. I'm sorry Mr. EvilCorporateMindSucker! Will you forgive me?
Anyway, things is working again. Funny story: Some dipshit backed into my car while I was stopped at a light and crunched it all to hell. I don't have collision coverage, and here in Michigan insurance is no-fault, so the best chance I have of getting any money to pay for it is by talking the dipshit's insurance company into giving me money.
Wait, that's not actually very funny. Ummm.... And then the guy says, "That wasn't my donkey!"