There, go ahead and identify what I'm getting at with that title...
So I've been living in Seattle as a union hall nomad for a few months now, and I'm enjoying the life actually. I tried to avoid it by sailing with MSC and NCL and ultimately, there just aren't any shortcuts, and so far its been just fine. But its had me thinking about fiscal responsibility and how to structure my life quite a bit.
Here's the thing. I've already lived the consuming life once, and while it certainly had its benefits, it was kind of empty for me, especially because to maintain it I had to get deeper and deeper in debt, which is a concept I hate but some how is a practice I am well suited to.
This actually reminds me of a Slate article I read recently about parenting (No, Mother, I don't have any announcements to make. I have no idea why I was reading it apart from the fact that I read 90% of what's on Slate, and I'm living with someone else's two year-old which allows me to have the curiosity and delight of watching the human mind form without the annoyance and difficulty that goes with it) which basically said that many parents try to explain things to their children about why they should or shouldn't do things and that this is the wrong way to influence behavior. Quite rightly, as they point out that adults frequently know all of the reasons why a behavior is good or bad, but fail to act in that rational manner (see Smoking, Credit Cards, and Bacon Cheeseburger for references). And yet, as parents we can't help but treat our children as *more* rational than our selves.
And it describes it perfectly, because it isn't as though I didn't know how dangerous credit cards were when first I became swallowed by their commercey deliciousness. I know more about economics and mathematics than most, but that didn't stop me from charging ahead into debt doing my "patriotic duty" as our President would have it, to spend spend spend my way into wage-slavery.
Put aside the fact that I escaped said wage-slavery, in part by deciding to change careers and in part by having the few things I had of value stolen around the same time. The truth remains that I am susceptible. I have the consumer gene. And in talking to my creditors lately (and there are plenty of them) it has occurred to me that I am uncharacteristically free right now. My income is determined primarily by my desire and willingness to work. I have no expenses apart from what I need to eat, get to the next job, and not piss off the people who are sheltering me in between. I have absolutely no assets that can be taken away, and I can live almost anywhere and still find an income. The considerable debt I owe is owed because of my sincere moral imperative to do so, but I could have had it discharged through bankruptcy at any time in the last few years and still can. In fact, there's no need for me to declare bankruptcy, as I am what is referred to legally as "judgement proof". Which is to say, I ain't got nothing to give you. And it's a beautiful powerful feeling. And now subsequently, it occurs to me that this is something like being Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. This is, as they say in the old country, the feeling of having "fuck you money". In their case its because they can't possibly spend it faster than they make it. In my case (to quote Kris Kristofferson) its having "nothing left to lose". But it seems to me, really, this is the feeling of fiscal responsibility. Even though I arrived here by perhaps the most irresponsible route, and even though few would likely envy me for it, this is the same feeling of handling your affairs so well as to really be free.
I don't think I'd be the only one to say I've never felt it before. For a short time while I was 14, washing dishes and making a regular paycheck, I had more money than responsibilities or expenses, but I was still a kid, so it doesn't really count, because I didn't have any responsibilities for *anything*. But in my adult life, I've never been in a position to not be entirely dependent upon my next paycheck. I'm no millionaire (in fact it will take the next year paying on debt before I truly become a "thousandaire") but I've broken free of the cycle of paycheck to credit card bill, and I don't want to go back.
So I've pretty much decided for myself that I'm going to take maximum advantage of my rootlessness for as long as it takes to be able to maintain this feeling. First to pay off my bills, but then to gather enough money that I can pay for everything (except perhaps a home, but that's still not certain) with cash I have recently earned. And then maintain a standard of living that is easily supported by my income and my desire to obtain more income.
Don't get me wrong, the goal is not to become a billionaire. Because I'm starting to see that that's not what's necessary. What's necessary is to be enough ahead of your bills, and control your spending in such a way, that you are back in control. And with control of spending and a reflexive aversion to debt, that's not really all that much money. And right now, living the way I am, its not impossible to get it.
So I've decided all this and have felt quite good about the idea, and empowered and excited by the prospects. And then I see this. And something happens inside that I can't quite explain. There was a similar feeling after the first time I drove the C6 Corvette, but this is just looking at the thing. Its so awesome, and its completely electric. This has been my argument all along that the problem with automakers (especially the domestic variety) is lack of imagination and commitment. For Chrissakes GM had the best production electric car and builds several hybrids but its version of a plug-in hybrid won't be out until 2010! Meanwhile, this beauty is currently sitting in Jay Leno's garage.
There are a million things I could say about how wonderful this car is, about the fact that it is simultaneously efficient and unapologetically badass. 0-60 in about 4 seconds, and about $5 for a full "tank of gas"?
But its ridiculous. Its so expensive and completely impractical for someone who doesn't actually live anywhere and its no way to remain financially free. Which just goes to show me, this will remain a battle. Even having felt this feeling of freedom, I can still be seduced by the succubus of consuming. Ah well, we commit ourselves daily anew.
Posted by ktismael at April 18, 2008 4:34 AM