As I prepare to cast my vote in the Michigan Democratic Caucus, I'm struck by how similar the situation is to choosing your favorite venereal disease. I think at this point I'm choosing John Edwards and chlamydia, respectively.
I'll admit to becoming increasingly cynical about the political process. But I'm trying to stay involved, and work towards change. But I'm so uninspired by all the same career politicians, whether they're in Washington or Vermont or an Army uniform. And I suppose that's what it takes to get to the highest office in the land, but maybe that's the problem.
Howard Dean started off on the right foot with me, in terms of being willing to be honest, have opinions, and state them, whether they were unpopular or not. But it didn't take long for the political process to eat him and spit him back out as an automaton. Now he's matching his opinions to the polls and hiring lobbyists to run his campaign. Really, he had made me nervous before all that though. He just has a way about him that says, "I know what's best for you, and if you don't agree then you're stupid and you'll take what I give you. " I don't know if it's hypocritical of me to want a strong president with his own opinions who will be willing to take some chances and make changes, but want him not to be too controlling or arrogant. I certainly hope that fascism isn't the only path to change. So Dean is just like the rest of them, but has a dark underside that could turn authoritarian. Maybe I can call that Syphilis.
Everyone is telling me that John Kerry is going to win here in Michigan. Well, Kerry is short of syphilis, perhaps, but there is plenty of itching and burning associated with him for me. I just don't see any difference between the John Kerry of 2004 and the John Kerry of 2003. And the John Kerry of 2003 was an uninspiring, old-guard, out-of-touch, Massachusetts liberal with no vision or speaking skills and a poorly design platform and campaign. What's changed? Well, he won in Iowa, and he started lifting the best lines from his opponents (especially John Edwards and Wesley Clark). And now I'm supposed to believe he's superman? I'm not buying it. And electability is a farce. Political science is giving a lot of credit to both parts of its name, as it assumes that politics can be understood, and that science has the tools to do so. Please don't tell me that you, dear voter, can somehow figure out how the other 300 million people in this country would vote, before it happens. So I guess Kerry gets the clap.
General Clark can't seem to be able to decide what he wants his positions to be. They change frequently, and he doesn't even seem to have made up his mind that he's a Democrat. Maybe it's like my friend Chet says, that he is just a true moderate, which is why he can fit into either party. But I don't buy it, as many of his positions seem to have changed as soon as he switched parties. It speaks to me of someone who cares more about being in the office than about what he does there. And it certainly shows that he understands the art of political gamesmanship, for all his talk of "Washington Insiders". But, probably someone that is primarily concerned with how he appears wouldn't do too much damage in the office. So Wes gets the crabs. He makes me very uncomfortable and embarrassed in many situations, but he won't cause any major damage.
So, I guess I'm sticking with Edwards and Chlamydia. He's got the potential to do some worthwhile things, but he creeps me out and I don't know why. He hasn't done anything to bother me yet. But he's a lawyer which is enough to give me a pause. And I just don't know that much. He's charming and reminds me not a little bit of the situation Mr. Clinton was in.
I only hope for the day (and would prefer that day to be November 11, 2004) when I get to choose a candidate I like and believe in. When the two parties offer me something besides voting for either the guy I hate or the guy I dislike. So maybe I'm an idealist after all.
Authors Note: The author would like to state that there was some research involved in this piece, and reassure his mother that he hasn't actually had direct experience with all of the diseases above. For more information about a serious problem that people are afraid to talk about, visit:
Kristin and I once spent a very meaningful summer with Chlamydia. Kevin, you remember, you were there. I don't know anything about John Edwards or politics in general, but I do know a little about chlamydia, and I think Kristin would agree with me when I say "Vote Chlamydia, Nov 2004."
Another comment: I think your weblog is neat.
I think politics sucks.
When the majority of the population sits in between the two parties on most issues and feel cheated to have to pick one. It's like picking between two cars. One looks fabulous but runs like an antelope with 3 legs. The other is a car that looks like a trash can with wheels, but get 1 million miles per gallon and out runs everything on the planet.
There are probably better analogies but since sex (or something near sex) was used for just the democrat side of the puzzle, I opted with cars.
I agree with Lenny, politics do suck.
The problem I see is that most people are sheep, want to be told what to do, and don't want to be responsible for any decisions they have made. Therefore, I'm going with Wes and the Crabs.
I would also like to note to the author's mom that I do not have any personal experience with these dieases :)
Thank you for the weblog, by the way, I have been in need of your perspective for a long time.
Dean and children, irrespectively. Syphilis is what we have had with him already, but how did we get it? Do you know your partner? Stage 1, chancres, true this country has had its "dull red, hard, insensitive lesions" for decades this is what caused the appearance of Deanites; they desired a dose of political penicillin. Unfortunately, things had already progressed beyond further than most realize. Stage 2, those "ulcerous skin eruptions" all over the news, the corporate media has done its best to get attention with fabrication, stunt/hype/wordbyte and bit of poll/prediction/astrology to boot, but without any substace and not pointing to the real danger. Our country already shows symptoms of what is next. Stage 3, "systemic infection leading to general paresis" has already begun when we claim that we live in a democracy, but admit that due to human nature that once 10% of the vote is cast and people are TOLD what the result will be, it is over. It is true though, once enough people believe that it is over, democracy is over. Sure, syphilis can attack the brain causing psychotic behavior and even death, but unlike venereal syphilis, political syphilis can always be turned around because it is vulnerable to a more dangerous sexually transmitted disease, the next generation. It is safe to say that although children in their advanced stages (adult) have killed more humans than all other venereal diseases combined, they are also an infection that always has the potential to clear up political syphilis. Kosh voted for Dean because although he is a mould, he secretes a substance that kills bacteria. A treatment that we are in DANGER of being denied but is not yet out of our grasp if we live in a healthy democracy. Anyone whose entire thought process includes, "I don't want to throw away my vote; I want to vote for the one that is going to win," has just thrown away their vote. Kosh knows that children are the forgotten disease; and that, there is hope as long as there are a few healthy cells left.