Thanks for your comments, Kurt. I've always been in support of more dialogue and less "faking it". Of course, I'm very good at "faking it" myself, so it's ultimately a hypocritical opinion.
I'm going to get back to posting this week. It was just too much. I'd already posted up about Emily, and I haven't really been able to think about anything else for a while. But hopefully I'll get things back running again this week.
The service was nice. It was also horrible. Just a room filled with people who don't understand and feel so empty they can't find a way out of it.
There was a luncheon afterwards for people to get together. As we left, I said good-bye to Emily's dad, and thanked him (I'd spoken to her mother the day before). And it was awful, because he was trying to be a good host and gracious, and was doing a good job of it, but I looked in his eyes, and I could see it. And I realized that I felt horrible, sickened and awful and had felt that way for days, but I could approach 1% of what he felt and it wasn't even over yet. It almost knocked me down it was so palpable. I wish there was something I could do for them.
The whole weekend I kept feeling like we (The Troupe) had failed her. I still feel that way, and I hope that as a group and as individual people we can improve to not let that happen again. Because I, for one, can't take it. It was great to see everyone, but I dont want to meet like that again. Ever.
Since it looks like ish is having trouble with topics I have decided to place a quick aid of recent/big events and ideas.
- Anti semetic passion of christ
- Two boys being expelled for bringing toy soldiers to school
- Independent party politics: Useless or Less Than Useless
- Living on the Moon, vacationing on Mars
- Life without google, sifting sewage with your teeth?
On a heavier note, it was good to see so many of my friends during our loss of Emily. I have also read what Kurt and Ish have written about the topic of suicide as well. Have we failed her? I don't know. I think that it is so hard to talk about suicide because the reason to do it is personal and something we usually don't want to share. We just want help. Sometimes is simple, sometimes it is big. Luckily thought, the reason to not commit is very public in the love and caring of your friends. Just sometimes hard to see. I am not sure of how many have thought/attempted/committed suicide versus those that have not seriously considered. I fit in those seriously considered. Luckily my love for family and friends and their love for me pulled me up. So much so that I would not consider it now.
From Emily's fave Beatles, "All You Need is Love"
Love,
Lenny aka Aaron